i'm obsessed with the mess that's america.



How come my life goal has changed completely?

Just five years ago I would never say that I love cleaning, but all of a sudden I’m all for being a stay-home wife, that takes care of the house passionately, and everybody in it.

Is it all the talk of housewives in the media? Is it because it’s like winning the lottery? Is it because I don't feel that I'm good at anything, but with housewife-ing I can't fail?


I don't really know, it's probably a mix of everything above and more.

Being a real housewife isn't actually easy, your work never stops. And if you got kids, it's probably even more unbearable. So why in the earth would I want to be one?

I'm actually not the one that let's people pay for me. I have a strict rule where I don't want guys to pay for me, especially strangers. But at the same time, who doesn't want to be economically independent? Though, you aren’t really economically independent; everything that’s purchased with your man’s money is his, not yours.


Don't get me wrong. I want to work. I want to have something that I can call "my money that I worked for". Though, I can't find a job where I fit the description.

I mean, it's not the jobless person who has high demands, it's the employers.

Or maybe it's me taking things too literary? I read about a job who sounded perfect for me, except, they wanted the person to be "fashion interested" and well... that isn't me. I don’t like lying to people, so you can forget that I'll be cheery and apply for that job saying "I love fashion, ELLE is my bible!"

I don't know who's right or wrong in this. But we can do the easy way and blame me. I'm just the stupid one with high demands.

Though, I can admit that I'm not so willing to adjust to the society, but that’s because it's not even meeting me half way. It's a doomed relationship.


What matters to me is love.

I don't think reality tv has gotten into my brain, I think it's my cats and my mom's friend who's married to a wealthy man.

Cats are the only animal that’s chosen to be domesticated by humans. They do fine by their own, but they have chosen to get free food, free crap-place, and love (maybe too much love?). It's the only smart thing to do right?

You would be stupid to thank no to that.

And then my mom's friend who made me base on what I believe a housewife is all about, when she said, "Well, he takes care of me, so why shouldn't I take care of him?" And you can't argue with that sentence. Being a housewife for me isn't a non-paying work, it's something more that I can't describe actually. But it made me realize that it’s not that crappy and sexist at all.


And for last, there is this girl whose blog I follow. She wrote one day that her dream was about becoming a housewife in the future. At that time I rolled my eyes reading it and thinking what a stupid girl. Though, before I knew it, she had planted an idea in my head. I started to think that it’s not such a bad idea; seeing how cosy, genuine and simple her life is.

I rolled my eyes because I wanted her life.

I know that blogs don’t reveal it all, there is pro’s and con’s to everything.

The con’s are (how I see them):

- Staying home… a lot. That’s why part-time jobs and other activities comes in handy.

- Relying on your man. Probably your only source of money will come from your man, which means he has control over whether to spend them on you or not.


It’s hard for me to write about the consequences because I’m basing my facts on a loving relationship where both respect each other’s roles. Where the man actually allows her and wants her to be at home, but if she would want to make a career she would be allowed to do that also, and where the woman isn’t someone who’s only after a man who can pay all her expenses.

I just can’t see how things can go wrong with a couple like that?


I still want to do things on my own, discover and learn. I’m still young and should live life to its limit. But I don’t want to forget what’s important in life. Many times, it’s the simple things that make you happy.

The media isn’t the one to blame for my brainwash, for I have never watched a housewife-show. It’s the people around, and even pets, who’s showed me a new ideology in life:

The give and take. The loving and secure. The free and independent.


Life is about surviving it in the best way, and in my opinion, it's surviving it with a cup of love. Becoming a housewife is my way of surviving in this society that I'm not really made for. I'm not for the elbows and who's the best, things like that stress me out. As a housewife, my only competition will be myself.

I'm for giving and receiving love. You can say that that is my ambition in life; to take care of and to be taken care of.


blood bank.

you must be the change you wish to see in the world.


I changed to Chrome which isn't the best web browser for blogg.se, and I'm not really the one flipping through different. Had to change because FF was giving me a serious meltdown or something.
And after the change the days has gone by... much and nothing has happened.

What has happened is private and I rather not write it here on a public blog. And what has not happened is all too personal for me to say anything again.

So there you have my two reasons on why I haven't written anything.
I'm like in a dead end. Can't write about my life anymore. Can't write about my love life. Can't write about anything worth writing about. And my goal with this blog was to write one how I would want to read one.

When I go back in my blog, I realize how funny I was back then. How I made myself laugh and remember. I've kind of lost that. I don't want a blog filled with reblogs of pictures. I've turned my blog into a tumblr iow.

I don't know what to write about anymore. Either I spill it all out or hold it all in.

PS If there's someone I've met irl and don't talk to that often or I'm slow at writing back, it's because I really don't feel like/have the strength to meet up anyone except the ones I already have close. They are my first priority. And that, just as my blog, I will not have much to say about my life what's happened since last time, 'cause it's nothing I want to share.

ghost town.