we could hide under the sheets, where no one will find us.

via grayskymorning

someday you got to show me that place,
that place you're always talking about,
the one you call "bed"

i will eat you and shit you out like the piece of meat you are.

via hayleycakes

Ahh, could things be more perfect?
I hope so.

- I love hearing voices, they are never what you thought they would sound like.
- Shopping is more fun when you don't think so much about it. Just take what you need and want. Be happy.
- I love my mom.
- This new nail color I bought, it's like sooo beautiful. Both of them. I bought two. It was all or nothing!
- This. This banana I'm eating. mmm.
- Coffee, I knew you would turn good eventually, you just went on a vacation, it's ok, I'm not mad. Glad to have you back.
- I'm so getting a dog. When I get a job. A new cat too. Both are gonna be named Sasha, then I don't have to care about the gender.
- It feels like I'm missing something...
- I like this feeling.

I believe it's the endorphins talking after I waxed my legs...
Don't mind this post.

teach me how to swim.

high school.

via somethingintellectual

To sum up high school I would have to do it all again.

Somethings has disappeared from my memory.
Somethings I'm embarrassed by, but don't regret.
Somethings I will never forget.

It's been a roller coaster, where I found myself and had to learn to accept that person.
I wanted to be me, and still be able to please others.
I wanted to be as good as I could, the nicest and purest person anyone would know.
Many times I found myself being fake, and at the same time not.
I was me, just "me" meant three different personalities.

It took some time to realize and accept that I don't have to be just one person.
And that I'm not just one person.

Loneliness has been creeping on me these three years.
I felt like in junior high; always the third wheel.
Everyone had paired themselves with someone, and the one I caught changed school after nine weeks.
So I was left alone to be the third wheel for everyone. The person who hangs out with everyone and acts like a reserve.
It hurt me sometimes, and sometimes I really didn't wanna go to school because some was using me like this.

I tried making friends with some, but in the end I was left with the people who really made effort in trying to know me and not the other way around.
High school has been one big rejection after another, but once you stop thinking and just go with the flow you'll see the people who really cares and the ones you missed.

Sometimes I wonder how it would've been like if I changed to another class, like I wanted to in the beginning.
But no, I don't regret never doing that. You'll end up with the right people in the end anyway.
And I like every single person in my class, it's just the third-wheel-problema that has bothered me.

Because of the somewhat loneliness I always tried to fit in. Maybe it didn't show, maybe it actually did, but I have been desperate on finding somewhere to fit in.
That's why I've tried different groups and people, and in the end I'm standing alone 'cause I found out that...
It depends in what stage you are in.
When I was into music festivals I hanged with that kind of people. Then I got tired of that and went into movies and started to hang with people who are movie fanatics, and so on.

Some people just stay the same.
And that's no bad thing, it's just that I'm not that person.
I move around, I like everything, I understand everything, I'm willing to try everything.
I get bored with the same shit.
And I like that I am like this.
It's because of this that I'm such a flexible person, I can make anyone like me, 'cause I have a lot of experiences from different groups of people. I can talk about anything and everything.
And I've learned how to make conversations with something new.

So yes, you can always turn the bad into something really good, even great.
I've learned so much about life in high school, and most of all, I've learned so much about me and how smart I really am.

I'm a chameleon, but that doesn't mean that I'm fake.
It means that I have really great social skills (whenever I feel like it), and that even if I can change color after my habitat I'm always gonna be me under that camouflage.

I don't regret anything.

i do a little random, 'cause i like it.

*As usual, too many sources, all pictures from Tumblr.

all i do i do it for love.

via aestheticadventurer

I feel so happy, I've started writing songs again!
I have one rough draft that I'm a bit embarrassed to show right now.
Songs can sound so corny on text, but then when you start singing it, putting melody to it, it sounds really great.
Though, right now I only got the chorus done.
One thing I just wished I stopped doing is writing about love - especially unhappy one.


Would you stop talking,
Because I don't think we agree,
You're always keeping all your borders up,
I'm thinking something must be wrong with me.
Well, I know you don't like it,
You're no exclusive company,
You're always keeping all your borders up,
And it's a little more than you and me.

Well, somebody's had a harder time,

But your always on the attack,
Have they been giving you the run-around,
And now you're trying to get your own back?
Well, I know you don't like it,
You're no exclusive company,
You're always keeping all your borders up,
And it's a little more than you and me,
I'm not guilty.

Oh well, I better say something,

To stop us creeping round these avenues,
You're always keeping all your borders up,
I bet you're getting a little confused,
I don't think so.
Well, it's time to turn this thing around,
Well there's no reason for this thing you found,
We're always keeping all our borders up,
I think it's time we tore them all down.

You've got to fight for a reason, what's your reason? You never cared,

You've got to fight for a reason, what's your reason? You never cared...

his and hers.

Rifle Men // "His and Hers" from Cantora Records on Vimeo.

This is one of my favorite unknown bands.
Found them a year ago and I still love them.

Go here to listen to outher songs and to download "His and Hers" for free.



TOOOO many sources, all finds on TUMBLR!

The random inspiration for the day, this week, month, whatevah.

PS I gotta get that t-shirt that says, "Who needs big tits, when you have an ass like this ---> *arrow*"

Have a lovely day!
I have a headache.
I'm gonna go and strut my stuff.


making of 3D street art.

face the facts.

stop wasting your time.
stop wasting your time.
stop wasting your time.
stop wasting you.
stop wasting.


songbird secret

I can't wait until he moves here!
I won't be so alone anymore.
I will have someone to share this beauty with.
I will finally get to know him better.
I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait.
I still can't believe it!

so futuristic.

Figurine – So Futuristic


i really haven't gotten much sleep these past few nights.

ph1&3 SRC783, ph2 souvenirs

- I went trough some of my old lyrics and poems. I should really start writing again, and maybe learn how to compose (not only with easy chords).
On text my lyrics sound really stupid, but when putting some melody to it they become alive.

- I've finished the game Uncharted2... in the "very easy"-mode. Well, half of the game I had it on normal, but then I got stuck all the time, and without knowing that easy meant easier to kill (which wasn't really a problem for me, I've got all this anger built up anyways) I changed it thinking it would be easier getting clues on what to do next.
But anyhow, it's the best game ever made, and with the #2 they really made it feel like a seamless interactive movie.
Yes, yes, I think I have a crush on Drake. haha Well, I really love his personality.

- I've got this last homework, than it's like three days until graduation and all the emotions that comes with that.
People wonder why I don't wanna make such a big fuzz about graduation, why I don't wanna do all the traditional stuff and celebrate.
First of all, I've already had THIS in my life, the English traditional costumes and hats where you drag that thingy to the other side, etc.
The other is that even if high school has been better than all the others schools and even kindergarten together, I never felt some strong connection to my class. I tried. Sometimes it felt like I was the only one trying. And sometimes I got mad at a few who totally behaved very nonchalant.
There's no straight answer on why I seem so "anti-graduation".
I won't regret it. Life goes to fast to even think about what I didn't do that everybody else did.

I don't know how that day will be or end, I just know I will get the same feeling like with all my past graduations:
Well, that was it. Time for next chapter in life.

so unrealistic but real.

World Architecture News (WAN)

private cloud.

Private Cloud

Give me this bed!

sparkle's gone.

I've been having anxiety attacks all day long, it won't go away.

My plans was to study and then go to shop for a mothers day gift.
Then I check if my monthly allowance went through just to find there's no money and none incoming too.
I'm just panicking because my day didn't go as planned, and that I'm a bit short with my budget that I had planned this month.
I just feel that they could've sent me a mail saying that last month was the very last month I will get any allowance, then I would've planned differently and not feel so fucking poor.

And it's just scares me, graduating. It's just one week left, then all my monthly income will stop, and I will be forced out into real life, without knowing how and what to do.
I still don't know what my dreams are, do I even have any?

I mean, dreams are something you believe in and fight for.
Mine are more like... fantasies.
I'll dream about it, but it's OK if I never live it.
And that makes me feel like a lazy person, no ambitions at all in life.
But guess what, I don't have any ambitions in life.

It feels like you must have something in this day and age that makes you say, "Fuck you, I'll make it someday, you just sit and watch!"
I don't have that sparkle anymore. It's even visible, I don't laugh like I used to, I don't joke like I used to, I don't entertain like I used to do, I'm not myself anymore.
Maybe I've grown up, maybe it's me saying "been there, done that, is there something more to life?"

I actually miss my old self.
The one who said, "treat everybody as if you're in love with them."
The one who could brighten up any silence.
The one who always thought about everyone else and what would make them happy.
The one who never asked for anything in return.
I still don't ask anything in return, but pleasing others has gone down on my list of priorities.

Well, I hope to one day meet that naive girl again.
I really miss her.


A: I think you’re beautiful. Like, my heart goes WHOA when I see you


B: Aw, that’s sweet. Like Keanu?


A: Exactly like.


B: But what if I shaved my head?


A: Did you see V for Vendetta?


B: Oh the one where Natalie Portman shaves her head?


A: Yep. Natalie’s really pretty isn’t she?


B: Yeah…


A: What did you think when she shaved her head?


B: She was still so pretty. And strong.


A. Exactly. If you shaved your head, you’re spirit is still what I love the most.


B: Yeah, but would you think I was still pretty?


A: … Do old people get ugly?


B: huh?


A: Are you going to age?


B: No, I’m going to discover the fountain of youth at the end of the rainbow.


A: haha, well, when the fairtale is over, and you wake up old like Rip Van Winkle, I hope you’re not relying on your looks to keep me around.


B: but that’s so far awayyyyyyy


A: But the point is that I’ll always love you no matter what. Of course, of course, you are magnificently beautiful. I LOVE that. It’s hawt. But you know, how those old cute couples that still hold hands?


B: YESSSSS, I love cute old people. I want to squeeze them until they pop.


A: lol, well, yeah, me too. But do you think those peeps that make it hung it all up on their looks? Could they raise a family and still be gaga for each other after 50 years? It’s the spirit, man. I’m not making sense…


B: But I want you to think I’m pretty.


A: What do you think of Heidi Montag?


B: Oh God, no no. She’s so awful


A: Yeah, completely bankrupt of character.


B: …


A: Look, I effing love you with long hair, short hair, blue, or green hair. I love the things about you because the belong to YOU. Like, the soul, the spirit, that part of you that no one but God sees. The REAL you. And I mean, DEAR GOD, I love your body, but it’s like, ah shit. Do you know what I’m saying?


B: Don’t separate them


A: What?


B: This is going to start the chicken or egg argument you love to have. Stop. I’m all of this. When I look at my hands, it’s not some distant thing. It’s ME.


A: Well, yeah, ok. But the soul is eternal, and like, this body is going to die.


B: You’re missing the point, dammit! I want you to say I’m beautiful. I always want to be beautiful to you.


A:… You will always be beautiful to me. I promise. Let’s stop now.


B: So when you don’t like the way I look, what will you say?


A: AHHHH. Like, if you ask me my opinion when you change something, I can’t just lie about it. Then things start to get twisted up. Then you don’t know when I’m really telling the truth. And that’s the worst. Believe me. You have to have trust or else you’ll go crazy and prematurely grey from worrying if I mean what I say, or if I’m doing what I tell you I’m doing. So I’m always going to tell it.


B: …


A: Babe, you have my heart in your hands. That’s it. End of story. I love you. I would die for you. Your soul, your body, all these things that make you, you. I want them. I want you always. Please can we stop now?


B: :pout: Why do you get to win…


A: Because you can’t love a loser.

kate moss for topshop.


Stop motion is so fun.

another day.

via Bella 185

Ok, I think I've updated enough... I've got like 150 more blogposts to look through, but now I will get dressed and and update my real life.


Hus & Hem Landström Arkitekter

via: desiretoinspire.net & Design Milk


244ekk9 via Bella 185 & Milk/Signe

just randoms.


ph1 In a fraction of a second., ph2 Nyheter24, ph3 Milk/Signe, ph4 souvenirs, ph5-8 I LOVE WILDFOX!

this looks healthy.

via Stardust and Sequins

I don't know so much about Lagerfeld exept that he's got scary thinking.
I know that he lost about 40 kg, and that does something to your brain and changes your ideal to something sick.
I wish that people could stop praising him, and start pointing at him, "You've got an eating disorder man!"

this looks healthy.

via Stardust and Sequins

I don't know so much about Lagerfeld exept that he's got scary thinking.
I know that he lost about 40 kg, and that does something to your brain and changes your ideal to something sick.
I wish that people could stop praising him, and start pointing at him, "You've got an eating disorder man!"

foux de fafa.


By request and tie I will update my blog and make it less... depressing.
'Cause I'm not that sad as I seem.

Todays playlist: Foux da fafa - by my friend Adam

PS I just looked up what the hell that means, looks like it means "Crazy about F F"?
PPS I think I'm gonna look like Bardot today, though I don't have anything red?

i wish we could google how a certain person feels about us...

via dearjoyceavenue

You used to hug me and lift me up like we haven't seen each other in a while. We used to joke and tell each other "I love you". You used to know the right words to say. You used to say you like my company. It used to feel like you cared. Nowadays you're more detached.
If I told you I miss you, you'd answer ok.

I miss the old times.
Where I still meant something.

And I'm too scared to make a move, too scraed to be rejected. Scared that it is this way now because you don't want it. Scared that you've found someone else.
I used to be more forward, more bold when it came to things like this, but now I find myself acting cool, not showing how I feel.
Though I want, I want so badly for the past to come back. I want us to be what we were.
Can't you come back, hug me and lift me up, hold my hand and show me you still care?

After that I will never question you.

express emotions.


You know what I really don't like in life?

I really don't like how I'm not able to express my love for my friends.
Maybe it's just in Sweden, but anyway I don't like it.

I don't like how you wait for a person, how you miss a person, how you think about a person, just to when that person shows up, you act cool, like you didn't even noticed how the days flew by.

You can't really show how happy you are and how much that person means to you. It's so sad.
And even in love, you can not show those emotions...

She isn’t clingy because she cares. She isn’t psycho because she wants to know who you’re with. She isn’t doubtful because she fears losing you. She isn’t insecure because she thinks another girl isn’t pretty. She isn’t boring because you don’t see her dolled up anymore, she just feels comfortable. Don’t blame her if she doesn’t call you all the time, she doesn’t want you to think she’s crazy. She just wants you to have some space. When you ask your girlfriend if you can do something and she says yes, it doesn’t always mean sure, go ahead. Yes she trusts you, she just doesn’t always trust the people around you. She’s not territorial. She’s not controlling. She just likes you, wants you to stay, and is just being the normal, caring, loving, will-do-anything type of girlfriend she is. So don’t break promises, even though we know you will. So don’t ignore her, even though we know sometimes you do. Don’t take advantage of her kindness, even though you already have. And don’t hurt her. Us girls don’t ask for much, just a moment of your time, a hand to hold, shoulder to cry on, and ears that will actually listen. We don’t expect you to be perfect because we already think you’re perfect for us. Your imperfections just make us love you more and more. So don’t hurt her, because she dropped her guard for you.

love should be featherlight.


I love him.
I really do.
I love him like my cats.

I care about him.
I miss him.
I think about him.

I wish I could say these things to him.
Without them sounding wrong or creepy.
And most of all, that he would understand that he means something to me.
And I don't care if he doesn't feel the same.

I just want to love.

We all are liars who say we want love.
Maybe it's me picking the wrong people,
people who are shallow and narrow.
They never want My love, they want somebody else's.

no one can really die in fiction.


I'm not that crazy as I was two weeks ago.
I just had a meltdown from all the stress.

I think everyone has those thoughts deep inside of them, but it's one thing having them inside and be able to ignore them, and another to have them brought up facing you.

I've spent most of my life figuring out life. I mean, the meaning is easy, 'cause that you have it in you, but life, all that is around us... It's like zooming out into space. It's there in your head, but it's too much to handle for your brain.
Some go crazy and kill themselves.
We are not supposed to know or want to know.
Because there are no good answers. Actually, there are none.

There are still times when I lose touch of "reality".
Those common situations were your reality turns upside down, things you only heard/seen/read about is suddenly happening. That's when my fear comes back.
Afraid to lose it. Afraid to lose this.
It's only books and sitcoms that can bring me back, they are my escape from facing the changes around me.

No one can really die in fiction.
It's perfect.
I like that reality.


Morgan makes me feel like a bad person, but I've heard it before, and it's true.
I just have to live with it.



I've been off to Buymoria the last couple of days.
And aww I want Daniel Shaw back (though I don't want him to destroy things between Chuck and Sarah).


caggie dunlop & lanthe wright.

I haven't been so active in three days and suddenly I have like 120 blogposts to read...
Even life goes on on the internet.


Remember Now

never hide.



Set Your Style

The first one is just amazing!

best friend.

I haven't blogged in a while, and I've got all these things saved for later, sorry if I'm totally spamming... my own blog.

kimonos ftw.

Little Plastic Horses

i'll keep you sane.

via purple-diary
Glasvegas – Geraldine

When your sparkle evades your soul

I'll be at your side to console
When your standing on the window ledge
I'll talk you back from the edge
I will turn your tide
Be your shepard and your guide
When your lost in the deep and darkest place around
May my words walk you home safe and sound

I will, I will turn your tide
Do all that I can to heal you inside
I'll be the angel on your shoulder

I've got the toughest job.
Funny, I'm the one who has to protect myself from all evil in the world.
And there's much evil out there.

spread some love.

via the fabric of my life

I'm almost on my way back to sanity.
And I just wanna complain about the psychiatry hospital (or whatever it's called in English?).

I called for an appointment so I could get help for the last few weeks before graduation.
I was transfered to a facility that acted as a bridge between a child- and adult-psychiatry. They were really helpful and I had appointments every week. Then they wrote a letter of referral to the adult-psychiatry, and it's here everything just went not like I wanted.
You have to wait a month for appointments. And after a month of waiting my psychologist canceled, and next session is after graduation?!

I have really really not got the help I wanted or needed and planned to have these last few weeks (now days) before graduation.
And the session I was going to have before this week, I really needed it, I really needed to talk to someone.
I still really need to talk to someone.

I just thought that even if I become an adult I would at least have sessions once a week?
Life just get worse after 18 and graduation.

And the thing is, we never do grow up?
Every adult I know is just the same in the head as me.

Nineteen, more or less.
The world is run by a bunch of youths, if you really think about it.

PS Yeah, this text has nothing to do with the headline or the pictures. This text is about the opposite.
But I'd like one of those pictures hanging on my wall and one to give to someone I care about.

there's something about that girl in port 36.

I need you because I like you.
I like you because you're the only one who had patience to stay.
You're not like the rest.
That's why I like you.
Sometimes I wonder if you're mad?
While everyone gets bored and runs away,
You stay.
Either are you crazy or very brave.

I didn't mean to take such a break, it would've been longer if I hadn't thought about it.
I thought that all I needed was to get out and maybe I would get my sanity back.
First day was rough, I nearly had a breakdown at school.
Then I went to a party, and I found my mask.
I couldn't talk about what had happened, I was afraid that they wouldn't understand.
The days went by, and I could more and more ignore my thoughts.
Though, they are still there, hidden behind a huge rock.

I just feel I'm done pretending I'm normal.
I'm done smiling when I'm in great sorrow.
I'm done pleasing others to make them think I'm just like them.
I'm done endeavoring for people who don't care.
I'm dunno.

So I set ultimatums.
I know I'm a annoying-pain-in-the-ass-kind of person,
but that is who I am, and if you really have the least tiniest doubt in you mind
that you don't want me in you life,
You should tell me that, and end it.

You can't have someone working their ass off for someone who doesn't give a shit.
I'm the one always making an effort.
I'm at the bridge of turning myself into an asshole.

You know the secret about me is...
Nha, forget it, it won't be a secret if I tell it.
Forget it.
Forget all I've said.
Forget about me.

I do not longer exist.

My wall is an illusion,
I'm open like a book
I like to pretend that I have nothing to hide
That I'm normal
Just like everyone else

Big secrets are not objective
It's not my childhood,
It's not that I have no dad,
It's not that I've had an ED,
It's not that my mom used to hit me,
I don't care about those things
You can know all about it

Big secrets are subjective
Those demons no one should know
you are carrying around

I don't like people coming close
I'm afraid they'll see the true me
I'm afraid they don't got the needle and the tread
I'm afraid it's too late

pics via: mirroredperspective & julia

i'm losin' it.

Sasha B

I don't know what's wrong with me?
Yesterday I laid in my bed crying for an hour, in panic and in fear.
I was pretty convinced that I was dead.
So yes, I'm going crazy, but in short, I'm still not even sure if I'm not right...
But the more I write about it, the more crazy I sound, and no one will see it through a philosophical point of view without considering putting me into a... mental hospital.
I'm just

PS I do not have schizophrenia, I just have self-distance.
A part of me is in constant fear and paranoia, another has luckily it's sanity left.
And that same part that has it's sanity left is gonna keep posting in this blog, the other one will take a break until it stops hyperventilating of the thought of Eternity.
I'm gonna fix this.

PPS If you don't understand what I'm talking about, take it with a pinch of salt.


via julia

I think that calici virus did something to my brain.
I've become much more physical emotional, and I see things in a very different way, and I hate this way, I hate it. Can't stand it. It's like I'm going insane.
Just writing this makes me look like I'm insane.
I try, try to ignore it, try to find other explanations for it, but I just can't stop pretending that things are not different through my eyes.
I want my eyes back.

I'm so fucking scared..

work hard, play harder.

Photobucket PhotobucketI LOVE WILDFOX!

I need sun.
I need love.
I need to remember how life used to be.
I need to socialize.
I need to get out.
I need to remember how life used to be.

After all vomiting I've forgotten I actually have schoolwork to do.
If you wonder why it seems like I never go to school, it's because I only have classes two days a week.
Well, actually four days a week, but all classes are coming to an end and most of the work you can do at home, and some are only extras.

Yes, I'm considering finding a job where I start 11AM and only work 3-4 times a week.
Don't care if I don't make as much money, I just need money for clothes and stuff (food). I just don't want to be like my mom, come home all exhausted five times a week, don't have the energy to clean the house, go out for a jog and etc.
I wanna have time for myself, my friends and somewhere a job. I wanna work half time.
I'm not lazy, I just believe there's more to life than work work work. I believe in play work play.

Don't tell me that's impossible.
It irritates me when adults tell me "Well, Isabel, I wished I could do that too... but that's not how it works in real life."
Maybe not in Your Life, but in Mine, everything is possible if you agree on the consequences.
And I don't see any...

dark floors/bright walls.

Erik Olsson

This is what I was talking about in the post before.
These dark woden floors are such a beautiful contrast to the white bright walls.
I just love it.

location. location.


I can't tell you how much I love fishbowl-houses. I'm very Swede in the way that I like my home to be b/w, big seethrough windows,
and private by the sea.
It maybe sounds unpersonal, that clean-and-straight-look, but I like to put my personality in the accessory.
And another thing I really really love is darkbrown floors, gonna show you that in another post.




Haha why do all guys at my school (and class) look so gay in this video xD



Oh, sometimes
Sometimes when I'm alone for too long
My mind loses itself

My day could have been just fine
But all of a sudden
When I'm peeling an apple
I can start crying

Hard to breathe

"What's wrong, why are you crying?"
Mom asks me
"It's just... this all... this all will end someday
Noting lives forever"

My thoughts has been spinning
About how life would be perfect
If I could find a descent job,
keep my friends,
start a family,
travel the world,
and then
Is that all?

I will die, you will die
I could die tomorrow
You could die tomorrow

Sometimes I take for granted that I will live forever
That you all will live forever
I'm so terrified of dying

As I'm standing there and peeling this apple
I zoom out of myself
I see the cycle of life
And I panic
Like I would have claustrophobia
of life

Because if we never die
It would be like we are buried alive

To snap myself out of this thinking
I remind myself
'Cause I nowadays
in my happiness
How death feels like

The meaning of life isn't enough for me
I just want it to have a bigger meaning

But all I can do, is like everyone else
Watch Community
Go on with my life
And hope that it never ends.


please, give me this flat.

source: Eklund

love & hate is all the same.

"I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."

-Julia Stiles (10 things I hate about you)

via Little Plastic Horses

we'll paint the sky together.

color me.

can't my body just go back to being normal?


I'm sorry for being such a bad blogger for these past couple of weeks.
It's just... almost like I've had every virus thrown at me.
Two weeks ago I got a cold, then the flu, and now I have calici virus (vinterkräksjukan) - and I have no idea how I got it 'cause I've been home most days?

If you're very sensitive, stop reading now!

Ever since that last post I've been close to dying.
I lost
consciousness when searching for toiletpaper and found myself on the bathroomfloor with my back against the door; I have no idea for how long I was sitting there or how I even fell.
That's - what I remember - when I tried to yell for mom.
She opened the door and got me up on my feet, but I was still very weak and was rather hanging on her then standing.
She tried to make us walk to my room so I could lie down on my bed, but after two steps I blacked out again, and minutes later I find myself on the hallway floor.
- If I would lie there any longer my mom would probably call 911.

You probably know by now what was wrong, and still is wrong with me?
I'm dehydrated from vomiting and other stuff.
Yesterday I wasn't fast enough to reach the toilet, so I vomited on two places. Not fun cleaning up afterwards...
I've mostly been sleeping 16 hours a day, and dreamt nightmares.

So now I'm on fluid replacement, it tastes like shit and seems not to be helping. Everything just runs through me...
I'm better though and I should feel great tomorrow.
Well, it says it should stop after two days, this is day three and a half...
And on top of this I've got my period.