lost memory.

via engineeringdreams

I remember my neck being kissed.
A memory I've suppressed.

He tried to kiss my lips.
I turned my other cheek.

He blew me in my ear,
said that women likes it.

I looked strange at him,
as he was from another planet.

But I liked the soft kisses
And how he caressed my hand

The way I've never been touched
That way felt so wrong

My body screamed yes.
My mind screamed no.

is it really supposed to hurt like this, being loved?

via venom venin & In a fraction of a second.

pen story.

i used to write. i used to write really beautifully once. where has all my words gone?

via fashionfever

Just read some of my old writings.
And it makes me sad.
I used to be so good.

But after writing and rewriting all my past experiences all my feelings that I put into my words had worn out.
I can no longer write with such passion.
It feels like my head is empty, but I've just looked at it the wrong way.
It's not my head that's empty, it's my feelings.

I've lost them.

Everything has just been pretend.
And I'm feeling a bit scared.
A bit lost.

Have I ever really known how to feel?
I see myself as a robot trying so hard to become human.
Is it possible for robots to feel?

Please, tell me that I still got a chance...

slow motion soda explosion.

Slow motion soda explosion from David Coiffier on Vimeo.

live all the but's in your life that you've missed.

"I like you a lot, you've got really beautiful values, morals and norms, and I think you should hold on to them, but... You need more but's in you life, allow yourself to experience more of what life has to offer. Try to come out of your bubble."

That's somewhat what she said to me.
And while I like the bubble that I've design for myself; a bubble that keeps me safe from the worlds harsh cynicism.
I don't like to admit it, but it has made me missed all the fun I should've experienced.
I'm nineteen and going on sixteen.

I'm trying to say yes to all the but's I've missed in my life.
And as I'm experiencing them I find that the time now, that I'm filling in the blanks, should be the age for all people to experience them.
I'm not drinking too irresponsibly, I'm not exposing myself to creeps in a oblivious manner, I'm taking care of myself 'cause I'm a grown up and I'm not selfishly thinking that my parents will fix it or not thinking how it feels for them when I come home late at night.
Youth's this day and age wants to grow up fast but still be children and have fun, and that is just so childish and stupid.
So when I think about it, it's a yes and no.
Yes, I've missed things growing up.
No, I didn't miss anything important.

Because maybe I would have different morals and values if I started from a very young age drink and meet people. Maybe I would be a smoker by now?
The only thing I regret was saying no in high school when people invited me to parties and such. I think you should start doing things like that in high school and not in junior high like most people do... those people rarely ever grow up.

I'm gonna start saying yes more.
Not because I feel a need to fill in the blanks of my youth, only just because the people I have around me is one of the best people in the world.
Mature and charming people who looks after one another.
And if they ask me if I want to get out in the rain to an apartment at Söder to drink good wine and smoke hookah and meet some of their other friends, I will happily accept.

And there we sat. Five other guys and me.
Listening to Disney classics and singing with.
And ate dried deer meat. (well ok, I didn't try the meat, but the others did.)

always love you.

Theophilus London x2
Sorry for that...

what did i write about before?

Nastya Pirate
via Likecool

It's raining and I've got an empty head.
Gonna go to the cinema and watch some crappy movie 'cause this is the last day I get to pay only half price.
But for now it's Humdrum Town on repeat.

humdrum town.

Humdrum town - Theophilus London from David P on Vimeo.

i'm a sucker for boys who knows the right things to say.

via In a fraction of a second.

mr clock.

Mr.Clock_Hye-yeon.Park_Design Product_2010 RCA from hye-yeon.park on Vimeo.


the easy way.

illustrations by Brett Manning

Always searching for the easy way.
But yes, life is not always easy.
The things you find scary is the things you have to deal with.
You can't run away.

Not forever.

And how would life look like then?

I don't wanna run.
I just wanna feel safe.

there is nothing wrong with being naive, you should try it until you get it.

via: engineeringdreams & tearings

You wanna know something heavy?

I can't stop thinking about you, it's crazy.


Can't stop thinking about him either.

eat, pray, love.

Missed me?

Well, good news, I'm coming back tomorrow!
And I'm gonna study philosophy in the fall.
Where life takes me from here and now I still can't tell.
But I'm very glad I took some chances.

I remember how I said a week before I was going away to the christening, when I was walking with a friend, that my life is perfect.
That Our lives are perfect.
Never could I imagine that it could get more perfect and more... wonderful than it already is.
I mean, I'm probably the happiest person in the world right now. At least one of them.

I'm still confused and insecure, but I would be stupid and really evil if I didn't say yes to Life's offer.
This is the closest thing to my fairytale dream I will ever get.
So thank you Life.

I can't be more grateful than what I am now.

romance is not dead yet.

I once traveled to the other side of town for a guy I had a thing for and had knew about a year or two.
One hour it took.
Twice I went.
Once I spent the night.
And later I never heard from him.
Like always I fail.

But I'm naive and young, got nothing to lose.
And that was so last year...

I've bought a last minute train ticket.
I've packed my bags.
I'm going up north 375km again.
To meet a guy I've only met once and only exchanged names with.
Aren't I romantic?

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." ~ Samuel Beckett

Maybe it fails, maybe not, but I can't say that I've not put myself out there.
If nothing happens, it's fine.
Anyway, I need a break from mom and bring back her adapter she forgot in Sundsvall.
So no trip is wasted.

Ha det vackert!

casa son vida.

Casa Son Vida 1

amazing residence

amazing design

CasaSonVida3122ggggjh Exuberant and Outrageous Architecture: Casa  Son Vida in Spain

CasaSonVida3122gggg Exuberant and Outrageous Architecture: Casa  Son Vida in Spain

CasaSonVida11 Exuberant and Outrageous Architecture: Casa Son Vida  in Spain

CasaSonVida10 Exuberant and Outrageous Architecture: Casa Son Vida  in Spain

CasaSonVida31 Exuberant and Outrageous Architecture: Casa Son Vida  in Spain

CasaSonVida9 Exuberant and Outrageous Architecture: Casa Son Vida  in Spain

CasaSonVida3122ggg Exuberant and Outrageous Architecture: Casa Son  Vida in Spain

CasaSonVida3122gg Exuberant and Outrageous Architecture: Casa Son  Vida in Spain

CasaSonVida3122g Exuberant and Outrageous Architecture: Casa Son  Vida in Spain

CasaSonVida3122 Exuberant and Outrageous Architecture: Casa Son  Vida in Spain

CasaSonVida1 Exuberant and Outrageous Architecture: Casa Son Vida  in Spain


do i smell jealousy?

via loveyourchaos

I need to thank Life for it's good financial plan for me.
Instead of giving me all my money at once, it gave me complications and made my money come a little bit at a time.

Something that disturbs me is my friends, every time I tell them I'm on "vaccation" for now and have money saved up to live a bit, their energy changes into skepticism and becomes very negative and true realists.
Telling me that I can't live life, telling me that it will someday stop and that I should plan ahead.

I don't know if they tell me those things 'cause they care or if they wish life could be as easy as I seem to make it?
It just disturbs me, I like to take Life as it comes in my own tempo. I hate people telling me what to do and what I should do. I'm not them. I am me.
And who ever said naiveness is something bad? I think too many people have lost their childish thinking and become unhappy.

Nativity is all about hopes, dreams, and faith. People seem to be lacking of them, or just putting 25% of their energy on positive thinking.
That's why I sound so stupid when talking about how I want to live. 'Cause being overly positive in this world is like having a mental disorder. People looks at you like there's something wrong with you.

I don't know, I wish people could just be happy and let me live in my happiness just like I would do for them.
I've never EVER complained about their good fortune in life! If I ever have, I didn't do it directly, and it's mostly been like a joke and at the same time I've been thinking, "isn't I lucky who gets to be some part of this lucky persons life?"
I'm a idealist, but I know how to think logical, only my logic stretches also outside the box. I can see the logic in supernatural stuff, which others cannot see until they think very hard about it and is open for the answers.

I believe that Life doesn't have to be as hard as we make it, and it's actually kind of a easy game to play.
Just let it all go and good things will be drawn to you like magnets.
Just for a second, welcome it.

the story of my life.

At first I was like:


And he was like:


And then we may have:


And now…I’m all:




via somethingintellectual

everytime i fell for you.

Via In a fraction of a second.


"If what you see by the eye doesn't please you then close your eyes and see from the heart because the heart can see beauty and love more than the eyes can ever wonder."

by Bella 185

honey pie.

Honey Pie from California is a place. on Vimeo.



I'm better now.
Not pissed anymore.
Very happy actually, but I'll tell you all about it on Thursday.

Well, I'm stupid.
Gotta say that.
I've got friends, just didn't a few hours ago.
But I'm blind, so no wonder.

Just told a friend about my plan, and I feel lifted.
Someone finally knows before everyone else.
That's all I wanted.
Just someone to tell all about my future.

Well, he may or may not been happy of hearing my plan.
But that's what friends do, they care when change is on the road.

And change is definitively coming.
In baby steps.

Don't worry, I'll stay for as long as you want me to.

But you will have to let me go.

screw you guys I'm going away.


Just when I really really need someone to talk to no one shows up or totally ignores me.
Which has made me come to the conclusion that I should stop calling people "friends" 'cause clearly I don't have any.
I know that everyone's got their own life and problems, but I'm fucking always there to pause my life when someone wants to talk or meet up. And I do it with joy!

So I'm pissed at everyone.
Mostly pissed at myself.
Or no.
Mostly pissed at everyone.

love should be easy and aching.


I think... I've come to that stage in life where most guys thinks I'm beautiful.

I mean, before it was only creeps and such. Every guy I liked, liked someone else or wasn't interested.
But now, even the cute guys at Clas Ohlsson hits on me. haha
Or maybe it's just their job to be nice and helpful... Well, I like to see it from a narcissistic point of view.

No, but really, this is a good thing.
Now I'm just scared of becoming old and unattractive.

PS At least I have a plan, and it's to not make the same mistakes as my mom did when she was young.
Guys stood in line to take her hand, but she never ended marrying any of them and kept on dismissing them.
My plan is to find someone who's steady in the long run, who I'll love even more later in life, and hold on to him.

'Cause how many times in your life do you find mutual attraction? I don't know about you, but it has never happened to me... until now.

And for that, I'm grateful.


I know you all probably already watched this, but I think it's so cute that I need to post this!

eat the cake or not?


Isn't wonderful how your dream guy walks into your life in the right time and you're totally oblivious of the fact and shy away as if he was just another guy.
Then after a week of thinking you find out that damn you just missed your (potentially) prince charming.
But you can't really be mad at yourself, 'cause how would you have known?
Life and Love isn't that obvious like in the movies and books, it's more subtle.

And who knows, maybe I didn't miss a thing?
Maybe nothing was meant to be?
My naive side says: if it was meant to be and still is something is going to happen, therefore I have nothing to worry about.

But I like to worry.
I like to think inside and outside of the box, take it apart, glue it back together, paint it, make windows, a door and a nice roof, a road, a fence, put flowers and trees, and put it up for sale.
Who wants my ideas, thoughts, values and morals?!

Who wouldn't wanna live in my modern box?

it's not easy when it's difficult.


This heat is killing me.
It's like a deja vu of the norovirus, only this time I'm not vomiting.
But I'm barely eating.
I've got a waterbottle by my side, but all water just goes through me.
Everytime I sit down I get hot flashes to the point that I'm almost sure I'm gonna faint anytime soon.

I just feeling like dying.
I wish we had marble floor.
I wish we had A/C.
I wish... Well, I wish it weren't 30C indoors.

I'm to the point where I'm crying while I do the african rain dance.

And most of all, I miss my Popcorn <3
The worst thing is baring this heat alone.



if you allow good things to happen, they will. if you worry about them not happening, they won't.

So it all was just a dream.
Incredible how time can erase
It seems
As if nothing has a meaning

I don't know what to believe.

Explain to me.
What is it that you want?
Explain to you.
Why is it so wrong?
Explain to us.
What are you afraid of?

I'm afraid of change.
Afraid of being stuck.
Afraid of the unknown.
The emptiness
Surrounding us.

I'm afraid of feeling.
To know.
Not knowing.
Afraid of answers
that are unfamiliar.

In other words:
I am afraid of everything.

coast off.

if you can't figure out what you want, ask yourself how you want to feel.

source: Tumblr finds

Today I've been depressed.
Depressed and thinking too much.

A part of me wants to scream another still wants to live.
I'm angry and I want someone to blame, but you can't blame air.

I'm too emotional and I can't help it.
Where can I find a place to breathe?
Where do I find a place where I feel safe?
Where does this road take me?

So unsure. So unsure.
About everything.

I don't know what I want.
I just know how I wanna feel.

I need to go back.
I'm going to where my feelings want to take me.
It's the right thing to do.
Even if I'm scared of failure.

Everything is gonna be alright.
She says, just trust me.

somewhere answers.


"I've got nothing to loose except Life.
You know, Life is too short and Time is too long.
Too much time, too little Life.

hyper realistic paintings.

Hyper Realistic Paintings by Hilo ChenHilo Chen, Beach 161Hilo Chen, Beach 163Hilo Chen, Beach 164Hilo Chen, Beach 162Hilo Chen, Beach -- 110Hilo Chen, Beach 158

Hilo Chen

seems to me that i'm also too sexy for sundsvall...

Well, I'm home!
And this week had nothing and everything to say.

Picture #94

I mostly drank my sorrows away right before I was going on the train back.
And I'm gonna admit it, it felt pretty good to be that drunk as I was.

The only time I get it in my head how much I hate Stockholm is when I've been away and come back.
I mean, it's ok to visit Stockholm sometime, but I really don't want to live here.
I wanna go up north, and live the old fashioned life - which doesn't mean that I'm putting all my traveling plans on the shelf.
I'm just saying yes to life and no to pressure.
Hard to explain.

Actually excuse me, I'm tired, so forgive my fuzzy writing.

I don't wanna write too much for I have a strict "no-writing-about-your-love-life"-policy* since things got screwed a year ago even when I wasn't really putting out names or so. But anyway...
All I can tell you guys is that I believe I've met someone who thinks I'm beautiful and that it's a mutual attraction.
(Though, you who's following my twitter probably know more qabout what I'm talking about.)
At last, I think.

The reason for my drinking this morning was of course because just when I meet someone Life manages to screw it up for me.
Both mentally and physically.
We met only once. And on the day some people planned for us to meet he couldn't get back to Sundsvall, and just as I'm leaving he is coming back the next day.
And so it's all fucked.

I'm here
And he's coming back there

And there is this other guy (actually it's two) the people in Sundsvall are trying to set me up with , it's gone five years, and every single time I'm going back to Stockholm, he's coming up to Sundsvall!
I really don't get why it's like this?

I'm not in love with anyone right now, I'm just interested and a bit desperate for new friends.
And I'm pissed. Pissed that things won't just be.
Pissed that when I'm in that moment in life where I'm open to all possibilities Love shuts it's door on me!

I mean, now is the right time for anything to happen!
A sane guy could just come and take me to fucking Brazil and I would go there with him without any objections.
'Cause I have nothing to look back on, I can only move forward, I have no plans, anyone can come and make them for me.

It's never been like this in my life.
I've always had school and depressions.
Making it hard for me to quit what I'm doing and just go with the new adventure.

Maybe my naiveness has reached it's point?
Maybe I should accept that no man at this day and age will come and save me?
But I wanna be naive; I want to believe that there's someone out there.
Because I've seen it happen to others, and I'm not less worth than they are.
It will happen.

Maybe it only needs a little push?

i'm too sexy for stockholm.

Little Plastic Horses

Just wanted to tell you guys that I'm going away today for a week and won't be able to update my blog.
I'm going up north as I do every summer to Sundsvall!
Only this time I'm going with my mom AND our two cats... let's see how this ends. I hate traveling with my mom.

Even though my blog will stand still for a while my Twitter won't, so if you're really interested in my boring days you can just klick here or if you don't have a twitter account and don't want to become a member you can follow my RSS feed that's located at the down right at my twitter profile.
And if you're not into short useless posts you'll just have to wait a week!

Have a b-e-a-u-tiful time while I'm gone!

I'm screwed without you.

In a fraction of a second.

i rarely give people compliments for i get all caught up and fascinated by their beauty that i forget to mention it to them.


Watermelon carving from Vid Nikolic on Vimeo.

sad mugs, hello kitty pizza and giant cushions.

Mood Mugs by ThabtoHello Kitty Mini PizzasTea Cups by Masahiro MoriGiant CushionUmbrellaRetro Mario in 3D flavorStampy Digital Camera by Jinhee Kim


Most things via Likecool and Nyheter24 and Set Your Style

nom nom.


You have to excuse my bad humor nowadays, you can thank my guyfriends for giving me this priggish humor.
I'm not at any level vainglorious, and I'm sorry if I sound like that now and then.
But when I ever write in a priggish way "I'm such a cool person that people stand in line to just hang with me", I'm saying it in the way that would make you laugh!

you have the power to improve someone else's day, perhaps even their whole life, simply by giving your love and kindness.