“love of beauty is taste. the creation of beauty is art.” ~ ralph waldo emerson



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Susie7-1.jpg picture by custardlily
IMG_7216.jpg picture by wildfox julia, zanita, I LOVE WILDFOX!

carry with us.

Helios – Carry With Us




I step out of the train and follow the herd to the exist, and I feel this day is over.
Of course, I won't go to bed before five hours, but this day, this day is finished.
And as I step out, I smile.
Today, right now, my life
is just perfect.
Someone told me he wants to spend fifty years with me. I haven't planned anything that far, and no matter where life takes us, those words are the sweetest thing I've ever heard.


Everything is okay now, and it will be better, now when I understand.

blood bank.

40 day dream.

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros – 40 Day Dream

via inbetweendreams

- I wanna cross the Atlantic ocean.
- See Toronto, and then take a road trip trough the states.
- While at it, buy these in every color.
- Stop by MAC and buy matching eyeshadows.
- Walk through Venice beach and hike on Mount Lee.
- Go south and swim in the Caribbean sea.
- Let a cute guy learn me how to surf.
- We get married and have our honeymoon on Bora Bora.
- We decide to move to Australia.
- I'll play with kangaroos, feed a baby koala and help out at zoo.
- Drive through the Australian dessert and make amazing analogical pictures of the sunsets.
- After some time we get bored and decide to go crazy in Tokyo.
- We meet some new people and get the idea to go on a train-trip through India.
- We'll, ride on elephants, eat curry dishes, and see the Taj Mahal and Jal Mahal.
- From India we'll fly to Africa...

Well, there's much things I wanna do, and as you see in the end, it's not the things that interest me the most.
In the end I won't care about shopping for eyeshadows or panties...
I will care about living, seeing, and loving.

But I'm okay with this never happening, I've dreamt about it so many times that it feels like I've already done this in my life time.
I'm actually fine with being stuck here.
I'm still good if I don't do all those things.

you fly on wings of gold all the way back home to me.


dining in with the birds.

via desiretoinspire.net

I can't I don't I won't just leave me alone.

Bella 185 & Little Plastic Horses

I feel like a failure.
And all I wish is for someone to hold me, tell me everything is going to work out fine, and then take me away.
I'm at that point in life where I could just leave everything and just walk away.
I just need that reached hand coming out from the shadows.
And that voice telling me, "I'll help you out."
That's all I need.



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Image and  video hosting by TinyPic
Studded Hearts

forget and forgive yesterday, it's today that counts.

It goes up and down, up and down.
Mixed feelings, confusing thoughts, I have no idea what I feel.
I just now what I want.

At least I know that.

i love windows.

love is when you don't want to let go, but you try. you try.

Small seconds through the day,
I wish things would go back to be the same.
When I didn't know up front,
When I was naive and had some hope
It was stupid of me to bring that up
But now I know the truth,
What I mean to you
And what I am for you
It's just not enough

I want more

So I'm hurt and feel left alone
I know you didn't mean to break me down
Too late for that
And now it'll never be like before

I've realized you're not worth my time
My feelings, my care, my unconditional love
That's why I want to end this now

If you really do care you'll leave me alone
If you really don't care you'll leave me alone
Either way is hard
I just can't take it anymore

I do sometimes really hate you for making me feel like this.


via iloveyoursoul

The saddest thing is you could be anything, that you could want.
We could've been everything, but now we're not.
Now it's not anything at all.
The hardest part was getting this close to you
and giving up this dream I built with you.
A fairy tale that isn't coming true.
You've got some growing up to do.

After all the things you put me through,

tell me why I'm still in love with you.
And why am I, why am I still waiting for your call?
You broke my heart, I'm taking it back from you.
And taking back the life I gave to you.
Life goes on before and after you.
I've got some growing up to do.

I wish we could have worked it out.
I wish I didn't have these doubts,
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now.
I wish I didn't know inside
That it won't work out for you and I.
I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye.

~ Superchick

lay your head down.

the melody of a fallen three.

I'm at the bridge of something
I can't speak
Because I know the answer
If I hold back, it won't end now
In my silence
No matter what
I know it will

someone to love.

via Bella 185

The last one I painted in PS.
It turned out beautifully!
I think I'm gonna make more of these...


via desiretoinspire.net

flower girl.

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Image and  video hosting by TinyPicImage and  video hosting by  TinyPic
Studded Hearts

give me a hell, give me a yeah.

via fatbrides

I wanted to tip you guys about a TV-show three weeks ago, but now when I look at it, MTV is doing all the promoting...
What TV-show am I talking about?
Of course, BMS.
In other words: Blue Mountain State.

Last episode aired the 30th Mars, so I've already watched the whole first season, and I gotta say, I am very thankful that my guy-friend told me about that show!
It's collage humor 110%!
It never stops surprising, and you sit there laughing your lungs out and scream "Ohmyfuckinggodwhatthefuck?!"

The show in Swedish words: Ägande.
Can't wait for the second season!


Haha, that song in the beginning I had as a wake up call... you guessed right if you guessed that I've changed it!


Apparat – Komponent - Telefon Tel Aviv Rmx

keep on going.

via iamjustagirlwithideas

feet over head.

via Bella 185

i never hide, i just run.

Ray: Are you still moping over that disgusting guy?
Other people always let you down.
Why don't you forget them and do something for yourself?

~ Uptown Girls

via californiadreams

I've lost inches and gained weight.
The only thing that keeps me and at the same time takes me away is the only goal I have right now in life,
and it's to run.

I've been jogging for about four weeks now. And I can just feel and see the difference.
There's some pros and cons to it.

+ I'm in great shape
+ My body's looking fantastic
+ It makes me look as if I've been listening on "Don't Worry, Be Happy" on repeat
+ I don't care too much nowadays

- Because I get this careless attitude I kind of hide my problems under the rug

At least, it helps me to have a goal that I know is possible. Jogging is some days the only thing I've got, the the thing that makes me happy.
Through out the day people can disappoint, but your condition can't ever fail you (if you do it right).
So yes, I'm running from my problems, and I like it.
I love living in my own world, and I'm so glad that I have the ability to just shut down from the world.
My reality is in my mind, everything outside of it isn't real; the outside is fake and unrealistic.
I'm a strong believer that you should do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, because when you close your eyes you've only got yourself.
There is no point in waiting for people to make you happy.

throw me a dream please, it's been a dreamless sleep.


I could go without sleep, food and water, just by watching the earth move.


you let go of me, I let go of you.

Big Fish

You see, deep inside I'm a big romantic, I believe and everyday I dream that a man will come and knock down my door and take me on ride on his beautiful white horse, and we'll ride into the sunset.
But, on the outside I'm a frivolous girl who goes with the flow, not trying to get too attached to anyone.

I go from hot to cold.
I play with boys minds and confuse them, I don't do that on purpose, it's just that...
When I'm in love I have a hard time controlling both of my sides.
Like a vampire I loose control and I'm battling with my inside, to not be too clingy and smother the person with my unconditional love.
Either way I do it, it always ends in disaster.

We all make mistakes, though I have a larger fail rate than others, and through the years I've accepted my misfortune and moved on. But I can't shake the fact that happened today.
You know about the boy I've been yearning for over a year now?
The guy who I thought I saw out on the town?
Not getting much more in detail, but I saw him today.

I did.
I was sleeping in school, and when I woke up I saw him walk by.
Of course I thought I was dreaming, so I tried to go back to sleep.
After 15 minutes I just had to go to the toilette, and just when I thought my mind was only playing tricks with me, I see him standing in line at the cafeteria.

My inside has imagined this scene many times. That he would recognize me, say hello, and everything would be as it never gone a year.
My outside plays it cool, not taking the first step, but I get paralyzed, and it all ends with me blowing my chances. Though, instead of getting mad at myself, or getting mad at all, I act calm and not bothered.
He did not say hello or even look at me, he did not even recognize me?
Maybe I've changed? Maybe he had other things on his mind?

But my romantic side says: if he doesn't have an eye on you, he's not worth your feelings.

When I got home, instead of bawling my eyes out or throwing myself on the bed, I took it all as if it never happened.
Feelings change, and I don't regret anything. He inspired me to listen to newfound music, and that's what I take with me for the rest of my life.
Though, there's still a bit of me, the naive part, that still wishes, still hopes, still wants to at least be friends with him.
I just feel as if I need him more than ever right now, and I don't even know him? It's so strange, to feel such a connection with someone you really don't know?

Therefore, as long as our paths cross and nothing happens I don't wanna be on the same ground as he walks on.
I need to go far away from here, find someone new, someone who'll tell me: "I have the rest of my life to find out."
I need to find someone who'll make my romantic dreams come true.

easy muffin.


It's back to school.
This was my very last Easter-break of my life, and I enjoyed doing nothing.

memoirs of a scanner.

bad things happen.


This day can't get any more horrible than it already is
My mom decided to stay home today, and with that she destroyed my plans to ever go and see Kick-Ass (<3), then she burned her hand so I had to go to the drugstore and spend the money I had planed to spend on the cinema on painkillers.
So fuck me please.

have you seen my...

... house?

... pool?

... garage?

... living room?

... kitchen?

time for some change.

via mirroredperspective

I think I'm gonna change my header?
And I think I've found the perfect one who'll suit the "frivolous girl" title!
Just gotta make the picture bigger somehow?

Changed it!
Gonna miss my old one, but I can always take it back after the summer.

Just to make it clear:
It's a photo by Aaron Richter I found it via In a fraction of a second.
So there.

sit on a rock by the sea, that's what i'll do when all this is over, and maybe i'll see some unicorns too.

via morganmartinez & mirroredperspective

shake your hair girl with your ponytail.

via letsbehappy

five songs on repeat II - chillout/idm edition.

via morganmartinez

1) Isan – Cathart

2) The xx – Intro

3) Diplo – 200

4) Helios – Bounce Dive

5) Amon Tobin – Easy Muffin

i don't like it like this.

The Radio Department – I Don't Like It Like This

via yellowcardigans and In a fraction of a second.

to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die .

via Milk/Signe

a great and terrible beauty.

via tearings

You can never really know someone completely. That’s why it’s the most terrifying thing in the world, really - taking someone on faith, hoping they’ll take you on faith too. It’s such a precarious balance, it’s a wonder we do it at all.
A Great and Terrible Beauty | submitted by ashleyx024


Alanis Morissette – That I Would Be Good

via hudsalva

I just need to write a feel-good-post to myself, because I put too much pressure on myself.

I wanna tell myself that I will be good even if I didn't do the University-exam.
And that I'm not a bad person for not wanting to do it.
And it's not my fault the buss never came.
And that everything will be alright.
And I will gain back that 350 kr and more in the future.
I should not cry over faith, 'cause it seems as if Life has better plans for me.
There won't be any more hills in my life, only flat straight ground.

And I'm better than I think I am, in fact, I am great.
And so are you.

you know that thing I just say to get you into to bed with me.

via frrrancisco

i talk to you in my head all the time.

ph1 mirroredperspective, ph2 iwantmybearsuit

it takes two to tango.

I used to hate it when we fought.
I was so scared that I would loose you.
I've lost people in the most silliest fights of all.
And then you come to think, was that all?

I'm not that scared anymore, I've actually come to like our little argues.
But sometimes I wish we would speak the same language.
The fear is still there, kept inside, and it's not you I'm afraid of, it's me.

I sometimes wonder how I could let somebody know me so well,
there's so few of them and I like it to stay that way.
I know the reason why we fight, it's because of this.

I don't let people close because of many reasons, one of which are:
when you get close you care,
and when you care someone always gets hurt.

There's too many obligations to caring and everyone cares differently,
it's bound to start fires.

We have argued many times now, and it has always ended in "kiss and make up".
And that makes me wonder, a question that's practically eating me apart...
If it wasn't for you I'd be long gone.

In an early age I've found that leaving
is sometimes the best thing to do to make yourself happy.
Being a masochist doesn't always pay off.
I know how you think,
and that's the only thing that keeps me from packing my bag and walking out the door.
But the question still is...

Where others leave, you stay.
Where others never get in touch, you come back.
All I wonder is why?

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

can you imagine what your life would be like if you had never met that one person who changed it?

Garden State


via Set Your Style

i sometimes get lost in others words and forget my voice.

Helios – Bounce Dive

via architectureblog

I did not tell you that I went to a therapist this week.
I wasn't sure if I should go, but knowing me I will feel a time when I need someones advise and who'll listen to me and ask me what I want.
My mom isn't the best support, she's probably the worst support... and my friends... well they've got somewhat the same issues or they don't and that is not really the help I need or want.

After that meeting I've been thinking, and I've been changing my plans. And after that closure yesterday I don't feel as trapped and stuck anymore.
I came to the office saying I don't know what I wanna do after High School, and I came out with my therapists reassurance that I in fact do know, I just wasn't aware of it because I'm insecure and I've listen more to others words then my own.
I actually highly do know what I wanna do, and I'm gonna do it.

I'm not throwing media in the basket and call it wasteful years, I'll just put it aside, I have other more important things in life right now that I wanna accomplish in two years time.
I'll go back to studying when the world hasn't yet ended and my mind has been unclouded.
Right now in my life I wanna be simple, I wanna get out, I wanna come out of my secure bubble that has been mine for nineteen years.

I won't tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm still fragile, it's better to keep it a secret until I know I've reached my goal.
In this case: when I got the tickets in my hand.

you give it all but I want more.

U2 – With Or Without You

ph1&3&4&6 inspirart, ph2 iniminiaturale, ph5 somethingintellectual

dating in the dark.

Isan – Cathart

via iloveyoursoul

Does looks matter?
Does personality matter?

I wouldn't pick any.
It's not the looks or the personality that makes me fall in love, it's...

The feelings.
It's how that person makes me feel.

I know, I've fallen really deep in people who's treated me like crap, but... it's hard to explain.
In the beginning it was all good... and it's the beginning that matters, not the end.
Chemistry and magic is other words to put it in more perspective.

I don't know how it's for others, but I don't care as long as it feels right and feels good.
I'm also that person who thinks that common interests is overrated, but that's maybe because I'm very flexible person and can talk about everything and anything and I'm curious and want to try new things, I'm a fast learner too, and I know how to adjust to certain people.
That's why I can't go by looks or personality... I can only go by feeling.

time keeps going, but my life stands still.

via fuckyeahprettygirls

I sometimes feel so pathetic, to let a guy affect me to the point that I start questioning and wondering, "Is that all there is?"

It's been so many days since I last saw him, those days can count to over a year. I knew it, that day I turned my back and walked home alone would be the last time I would ever see him.
I wanted that, I knew that it would end, so why not my way?
It's all or nothing with me, so if I could not have him I would not want to see him.
If it's destiny we'll meet again, if not, we'll pass by each other to the end.

So I see a guy holding a girls hand and her bag going past me.
It's not before I walk into a store they're just leaving, that I see the guys face.
So familiar.
We meet again in another store, and I hear his voice.
I think to myself, "It can't be him. It just can't."

I walk out of the store and try to ignore my situation.
There's things saying it maybe was him: face, length, voice... etc.
There's things saying it maybe wasn't him: clothes...
Well... actually, just the style...
And I can be flexible on the recognition, I mean, I don't believe he remembers me.
Especially not without my bangs.

But I'm more sure that it wasn't the guy, and that makes me more happy and it gives me more closure.
I need to close this case and realize that if we'll ever meet again I'll be the only one remembering.
And I gotta think like a guy, his looks are not that unusual, so there's a big chance I'll find someone who looks like him... and hope to God that he's single! And just as charming as the guy I want.

UO mail.


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lost things.

i've crossed over the atlantic sea.

via inbetweendreams

I was in a hurry yesterday and forgot to tell you guys (who don't read my twitter) that's it's been exactly three years since I crossed the Atlantic sea!

Sometimes I forget that I've actually gone to the US, visited Washington D.C., my mom's friend lives there on/off.
We where there for two weeks, got to experience all seasons (one day it was 25 degrees, nest day it was snowing and the temperature sank to 3 degrees), I got a awful cold the last week and couldn't leave the house, the cherry tree blossom festival was beautiful, and the shopping...

I remember the good stuff now, but at the time I know I was very unhappy.
As a young girl I was like everyone else, wanted to see the States, but then I painted my own real picture and I realized that it's not such a great country after all... and just at the time we went there I had also a ED, so maybe I wasn't in my best condition to judge.
But after that trip I wasn't in the mood to ever go back. The shopping is great, but they missed things that I think is vital.

Though, I'm that person, when time flows things change and I don't feel any connection with the past. (People still bug me for falling in love with a guy no one likes at school, but for me it's been such a long time, it's like it never happened, I've moved on - wished others could do that too.)

Maybe it's just because I so badly want to escape and go anywhere anyplace?
But I feel in the mood of going back and experience the States without ED and with clarity.

Songs that remind me of USA:

Something Corporate - Konstantine

Nelly Furtado - Say It Right

Plumb - Blush

a hundred lovers.

- I've got the urge to either shop for some high heels or buy lots of make-up!
- Anyhow, yesterday I got so badly stuffed that when I got home at six I forgot to eat some supper! And today they are going to stuff me some more... I dislike easter right now... I love food, but not this much.
- I love my Urban Decay eyeliners, they stay on very long and you can mix your own colors! (Haha, maybe I'm slowmo, just found out about it yesterday!) Did you know that if you mix Electric and Lust together you get this very beautiful dark-blue color? (as in the picture)
- I'm on a search after the perfect Blush, does anyone know why Nars is nowhere to be found?
- I don't like looking outside my window, it looks like January all over again...

Well, got to go, getting stuffed once again...


i sing i swim.

Seabear – I Sing I Swim


over the sky.

via Studded Hearts

Reading about the Aquarius/Pisces Cusp, and I'm getting a bit surprised over how spot on it is.
Well 99% spot on... I wouldn't say that, "They are fond of talking about their own achievements, but are not apt to tell of their failures, sicknesses, or troubles."
But maybe it's kind of true, because I see my failures as achievements, and I'm very happy to talk about them, but I'm not that kind of person who would avoid admitting my failures. I'm always bugging my friends with my problems, especially when my appointment to my therapist is too far away and I need to talk about it asap.

I've probably written this a lot of times before, but I really believe in astrology only because I've read so much about it and feel the connections. It has really helped me understand myself and accept the person I am and move on.
If I wouldn't feel as if my zodiac matched me 99%, I would probably do as everybody else and think it's bullshit.
And I know that some zodiacs just don't fit the person, but then you should go hardcore and do a birth chart about planets, and those are very accurate and can really help you understand why you don't feel as your sunsign.

silver soul.

ph1&2 julia, ph3 In a fraction of a second.

four to score.

via iniminiaturale

Today I'm gonna try to jog 4km, and at the end of the day I'm going out to meet Adam, Sofia at Erik's place.
We haven't been all four together in a very long time, we gonna have a movie-marathon!

what I wouldn't do.

A Fine Frenzy – What I Wouldn't Do

via: ph1 mirroredperspective, ph2 beautyandmadness, ph3 tearings, ph4 iwantmybearsuit, ph5 iniminiaturale

diesel ss 2010 catalogue.

i found a whistle.


I've seen so many beautiful things and colors today <3
Sitting now and listening to OneRepublic – Waking Up
Never liked them, but today I'm in the mood for it.

lady in red and rayban clubmaster.




- Can't get this song out of my head, it's so catchy.
- My true happiness right now comes from looking at make-up, I've reached Nirvana when it touches my face.
- It's raining outside, but it's so beautiful. I wish I didn't have to go to school, I would rather sit by the window and watch the raindrops, and listening to "I need a dollar".

can't touch this.

In all my chaos I find myself sitting untouched and not bothered by all the things.
It's a fight in the front of the bus, but because I'm sitting way back I don't hear or care what the fight is about, and when it's my station I sneak out without notice.
It's like I got a shield, nobody or nothing can touch me. I'm in my bubble, and I'll stay there for as long as I want to.

My problems, my worries goes in and out of me, I don't really exist on that human level anymore.
I'm more conscious of my surroundings.
I look differently at thing.